NA-PAKistan Cricket !

Pakistan Cricket is under dark clouds! I might as well add, again! And as usual I have something to SAY about it. But, for a change I will spare you the conspiracy theories! (Actually, I do not have any) And neither do I have any major scoops! (except, there are many more fixers in the closet) All I have is completely stupid and unnecessary take on it! (I am so predictable)
But I feel like doing this post like the science answer, to a question which asked us to enlist the salient features of a particular topic. So like wise, here I go,

• Pakistan Cricket Board is the only sporting body which might make us feel, Suresh Kalmadi is not such bad guy. If that is an overstatement, at least it makes us feel that BCCI is not the biggest fool. (But, they are close second)
• Not just the sporting body, many Indian Cricket fans would be grateful to the Almighty for players like even Ravinder Jadeja rather than Salman Butt or Mohammad Asif. (We prefer you being paid only once for under-performance)
• Many Indians are happy that it is not happening to us and many people are more happy that it is happening to the Pakistanis. (Theory is if Pakistan Cricket is isolated it will save our nation from mourning during a loss to them)
• Indian media is sad, they were not able to break the story! (just imagine the TRPs!)
• We have to be happy that even are politicians are smarter than theirs! After a scam, Pakistani politicians have jumped the gun, unlike their Indian counterparts who would have dragged the issue for so long that everyone would have lost interest. (And our politicians give better excuses as well)
• Excuses remind me, a Pakistani news papers claims that it is R&AW (Indian counter intelligence agency) which has framed these young cricketers! Now, isn't that a clear over-estimation of what the lethargic agency can do! (But, I am sure R&AW would more than eager to claim the credit for it)
• Not just the sensational media, even Pakistan High Commissioner to United Kingdom has blamed it completely on India. From, lack of law and order in that country to a economy in dire state to terrorism to now match fixing, everything is India's fault. I am dreading the day they blame India for inflicting the pain of having Zardari as their President. (Indian policy makers would never do anything against Pakistan, they are busy messing up their own country)
• A corrective theory to counter this menace being put forth is, betting should be legalised. The logic is if you cannot stop it, it would be better to earn taxes from it. Next in line for the demand of legalisation are match fixing, loot, extortion. (Logic is the same as the previous one)
• And finally the most funniest part, President of Pakistan, Asif Ali Zardari said he will punish these corrupt players. I say funny because he in his country has caught on the name Mr. 10% for his corrupt ways. (Javed Miandad who's son is married to Dawood Ibrahim's daughter has also said he is ready to help Pakistan cricket)
• To sum it up, Pakistani cricket was in already a Fix, it needy some heavy duty Fixing but instead the players have indulged in Match Fixing! (sad no? I know!)

Till then be happy and spread the cheer ! . . . . . nP

GO 'VAIN' DA RE GOPALA!

As the title suggests , the stupid theory that I am throwing at you'll this time, is related to the ' Dahi-Handi ' festival. At the outset let me clear that I am as depressing as one can get but, I love all the festivals irrespective of their origin and I am all for it to be celebrated with utmost zeal. (Why do I clarify so much? The reason is that I want to sound very intelligent but I do not have the guts to stand by what I say)
Each passing year one gets to see these huge hoardings, each one claiming their 'Dahi-Handi Ustsav' being the biggest in terms of the participation, height, prize money, crowd turn up, media coverage etc. The event is conducted with great flair. With a public holiday being declared in the state, there is huge turnout. Celebrities turn up at different locations throughout the day. There is huge media conclave at major mandals claiming exclusive rights to coverage. (And mind you National Media) And every local cable operator telecasts it the whole day on local channel. And corporates aren't far behind. From pan-masala to energy drinks to even the supposedly niche investment banking firms, all want their share of the visibility. And unmistakeably if there is so much visibility how could politicians stay behind. In fact, even if these 'events' are conducted by youth centric NGOs, their parent organisational head is always a major local politician. But, what is it that is bothering me? (let us just say the sadist in me) Can I not tolerate the middle class boys and girls having fun for a day? That too when it is a festival with religious, traditional and cultural significance! But, one just has too look at the prize money involved in these events (PR exercise for everyone involved) and all the tall claims of it being having to do anything with religion or culture would crumble like an old chawl in Mumbai crumbles during monsoon. The money we are talking here is huge to say the least. The highest amount this year being, Rs.77,77,777. (I still do not have the new rupee symbol) Others are not far behind, with likes of 50 lakhs, 31 lakhs, 25 lakhs etc.
My issue lies with the kind of celebration. Earlier, there used to be a small mandal organising a celebration early in the morning, with the funds coming from residents living around. Slowly, these mandals got politicised and wanted to attract political mileage. Local shop-owners and businessman were forced into giving 'chanda' as it is known. Both parties kept the transactions unaccounted as both had many things to hide. And now the practice has nearly got a face of an established syndicate with major corporates jumping into the fray and for the media too, Dahi Handi coming in Handy. No one seems to be interested in, how much money comes in, how the money comes in. Where does it go? Does it all go?It would be extremely naive and even foolish to an extent to think that with a politician at the helm one would have a clean, corruption free event. Many of us would still turn our backs on this part saying chalta hai ! (we should change 'सत्यमेव जयते' to 'चलता है' in our National Emblem) But, what about the risk that this event puts the lives of these young men. Higher the prize money, higher the risk! (just for confirmation check the next day's newspapers) One would say participants are aware but one cannot absolve the organisers of the responsibility as they increase the stakes. We face water cuts in the city, many parts of our country are under drought, but during these utsavs water tankers are available in abundance, just to add to the 'festive' mood. Such blatant and shameless use of a scarce resource is criminal to say the least. And if this doesn't anger you enough, even Fire-Brigade is used for the same purposes. I am not even getting into noise pollution caused and security challenges posed during such large scale events.
I have written the post presuming readers know that Dahi Handi is celebrated on the day next to जन्मास्थिमी i.e. the birth of Lord Krishna. But, I think someone needs to remind us why Lord Krishna used to play his Dahi Handi. Even during his time the social ratio was a skewed one. His poor friends who actually produced the makhan never even got a wiff of it. So as to give them the taste of the 'creamy layer' (in the most literal sense) He, would indulge in this sport. (I hope Lord Krishna's methods would not be judged as communist or socialist) If we have to fake that we are celebrating this festival in the manner we are, for religious reasons, we might as well do it the way Shri Krishna did it, for the needy. In the prize money of the biggest Handi alone, as many as 800 children would be able to complete their entire education.

It could be for any worthy cause, and I am sure the participating Gopalas would still be enthusiastic about it as prize is not the major criteria for them. (Anyway there are enough reports of prize money not reaching them) In this way we would have Govinda in the purest form and the whole exercise would not ' GO in VAIN '.(I am grinning broadly as I think I am just brilliant with words) Govinda re Gopala!
Till then be happy and spread the cheer! . . . . . np

Gone To The Dogs - Literally !

Mr. Nitin Gadkari as a National President of BJP concluded his party workers conclave with a Hindi song -' ज़िन्दगी कैसी है पहली हाय' . . . I am sure the lyrics of the classic number are coming back to haunt him! But a new song probably is his new ring tone now, ' ज़बान सम्भालके , ज़बान सम्भालके ' . . . for making a 'derogatory' remark while speaking of other opposition leaders viz. Mr. Lalu Prasad Yadav of the RJD and Mr. Mulayam Singh Yadav of the Samajwadi Party. Both these Yadavs expectedly have done their tandavs over the issue but what I have to SAY is about the 'derogatory' part!
The remark came in a rally held in Chandigarh , in reference to the last minute ditch that BJP suffered at the hands of the above stated leaders, in a cut motion against the UPA, recently. It can be loosely translated from Hindi as (and for a change it doesn't get lost in translation) these leaders roared liked 'Lions' but ultimately when threatened with CBI cases all they did was to lick the feet of the Congress President, Mrs. Sonia Gandhi like 'Dogs'.

Now, that you know the 'long' history (its always long when I am narrating it) you would agree with me that the remark was 'derogatory'! But, to whom is my question. in my opinion, to the poor Animals !
I'll tell you how! Mr. Gadkari calls the leaders 'Dogs' because he felt they deserted his party when it was needed the most. How erroneous could he have gotten with his comparison? Doesn't he know that being 'faithful' is a canine characteristic more than human. I know it since standard first in school as I was like everybody else given a model 'composition' (essay) - My Pet- Moti!
The remark hasn't gone down well with anyone. Along with the Samajwadi party leader Abu Azmi in Mumbai, The Dog Federation of India has strongly condemned the attack and appealed to all political parties to keep their community out of mud-slinging. If Mr. Gadkari does not unconditionally apologise, the DFI is threatening to go on a hunger strike.
The BJP in the defence of its President has said that, he is from Nagpur, Vidharba and in that region such remarks are not treated as insulting. By that logic Mr. Gadkari must be the head of the party in Nagpur and not at the national level. Its again a problem seen with humans more than it is with Dogs- including the stray ones. I mean they never leave a particular part of their area. They know their limits!
Along with BJP, another Animal breed (another here means along with Dogs) is a worried lot these days! Its the Hippopotamus! All India Board For Hippopotamus Rights have already approached eminent lawyers and are assessing legal options as they are fearing a backlash against Mr. Gadkari, which in turn might hurt their sentiments.
In all this the grand old Fox (the same political party who feet were being licked) has said nothing but rubbished Mr. Gadkari as a 'spoilt child'. The media was disappointed as a human example was cited! But, its not as if the Fox has never abused animals. Mani Shankar Aiyer, now only a senior Congress leader had said that Mr. Lal Krishna Advani was a Alligator who shed Crocodile tears. The Congress party got away with that remark as the inter-family rivalry between the Alligators and the Crocodiles came to the fore and they could not fight the insult strongly. And innumerable protests have been made by the Indian Association of Elephants against the use of their picture as the party symbol in Mayawati's BSP. But, the Election Commission of India is yet to pay any heed to it. The Committee for Preservation of Bengal Tigers have quite frequently requested the media to not compare them to a toothless, hapless, aging 'Tiger' (self-proclaimed) residing in Mumbai. They say they would rather prefer being extinct!
What would be extremely interesting to know is what another Mrs. Gandhi who happens to be an MP from BJP has to say about the insult being meted out to animals. Mrs. Maneka Gandhi who is the only hope the Animal community have in the political domain as she without fail takes up their cause at the most glamorous podiums.

By the examples cited above, our Parliament should resemble a Jungle or a Zoo. In reality it is a Jungle Raj when it comes to the kind of governance we have or even a Zoo where the Animals (here politicians) are free and the only caged entity is Indian Welfare.

And now to end the post I would like to make it amply clear that it was meant to be in a lighter vein. I hopefully have not offended anyone or their sensibilities. I did not mean to do so! And to borrow a line from Mr. Gadkari's defence after the fiasco, " I did not directly/indirectly call them Animals. I was only citing a comparison. They are all respectful leaders and If anybody is hurt, I take back my post! "

Till then be Happy and try and spread the cheer ! . . . . . nP

My Idiotic Friend...

Hello! I am back after a self imposed exile (was lazy and hence did not blog would be so predictable) I am more than 100 percent sure no one missed me or shall I say My blog. But, we have to bear with some relationships (in this case, its me) irrespective of what we think about them or the frustration(my blog) that they bring along with them. But, have you ever wondered that even I can get irritated? (I am fully aware sounds improbable as irritating others is my full time occupation) But the truth is yes I can, and there is this idiotic friend of mine who annoys me to no end. The sole reason of writing this post is to ease my frustration that went through the roof with his latest act!

Making his name public would be slightly insulting to him (and dangerous to me) so I'll use his pet name that suits him perfectly - s i L L y !

Note : (Only for Ishaank & Kshitij) Sorry to disappoint you guys, it's not about whom you were hoping!

I have known this guy - siLLy for years now! Nearly chaddi-buddys, if you like! But the association is not something, that I like. He has been too much of a pain. I mean nearly everything about him is so IRRITATING! Forget it ! I'll just narrate the recent idiotic act of his which has triggered my reaction, which in turn is forcing you guys to read this post!
siLLy was recently driving in one of suburbs of Mumbai. His mobile phone was constantly ringing. He got off the road, took his call and started to drive again! Once again his phone started buzzing. He just looked into his phone and decided not to take the call, keeping his handset aside. The next very moment a traffic policeman, (I can't use the name we generally use for them on the blog) on his motorbike, overtook his car and beckoned siLLy to pull over. According to the traffic havaldaar, siLLy was using his mobile phone so he had to be fined. siLLy tried to reason with him that he wasn't using the mobile but the policeman was in no mood to listen. Policeman said technically keeping the mobile phone 'ON' in itself is an offence. That very moment the policeman's phone started playing 'mann ka radio...' - that was his ring tone. siLLy then noticed that the policeman wasn't wearing his name batch which also displays the registered number of a policeman. (He knew very well that policemen use this tactic when they don't want to be identified and obviously not because its a secret operation) Our Mr. Righteous started arguing with the policeman (imagine) that he himself was also not following the rules. Policeman just smiled and gave no jawaab, all he was interested was in the hisaab. So, siLLy frustrated with the quality of the conversation and being himself (IDIOT) asked the policeman the question that he was waiting for. " Fine kitti aahe?" Havaldaar grinned broadly and said in somewhat thundering voice - " 600 rupees !" - (Yes in English, I think they also watch a lot of Hindi films where important dialogues are always delivered in English). Now, like all sane men, even women for that matter, anybody would have smiled back at the policeman, made him his/her uncle, tried to persuade him to go easy on the fine part (For a complete guide to this technique anyone can write to me - I believe in social service) and eventually get yourself out of there very lightly. Thus, making it a 'win-win' situation for all - that's what the management gurus would term it. But justifying his pet name, siLLy calls it a social evil - 'corruption' - Just to get out of there quickly, he said he was ready to pay the fine then and there. The policeman was taken aback and could not believe what he had just heard (neither could I) so, the policeman asked him again if he was sure he wanted to do this. Our hero replied in affirmative. (Blunders are many-a-times self created ones) Sulking by now and irritated the policeman himself offered an 'understanding' way out of the fine. But, no siLLy just wouldn't budge! (As they say in a Sanskrit proverb - Vinaasha kaale vipereet buddhi) The havaldaar gave up! (he must have cursed himself for wasting so much time on a weirdo like siLLy) Wanting to vent his frustration the policeman said "Good! Our salaries come from people like you!" (I am sure he said this part with a lot of disdain) To this the angry young man of ours replied, "I am not too sure if you were actually interested in your salary !" (What audacity!) siLLy got a receipt from the policeman who kept his driving license and asked him to collect it the next day by paying the fine (yes 600 - that's at least 3 movie tickets in suburbs or nice meal) from a traffic chowki of that suburb. Not the one to be perturbed (mad men never are) he took it and left. (Mistake? Blunder! You will know why!)

siLLy's receipt read that he had to pay the fine within four days at the Chowki to get his license back or else after four days he would have to go to the Mumbai Traffic Police Head Office, Worli. If he failed to collect it from there, a case will be registered in the court. (He will not admit now but reading the last one must have given siLLy a scare). Back to the story !(I know the post is getting long but so is the story) Next day siLLy went to the Chowki. On handing over the chalaan to the constable who was collecting the fine, the constable instantly looked at siLLy. Please note the description of the look, its a reference point for rest of the post. Look was exactly what would be on any one's face when they see a stark naked beggar running in the middle of the road - a mixture of unpleasant surprise, amusement, disgust and pity all at the same time. We will call it SNB (stark naked beggar) Look. The constable held the look for a little while till he again confirmed the offence mentioned on the chalaan. Handing over chalaan back to siLLy, he said the offence was a serious one and now the rule was to send the license to the head office (Worli) directly as the police wanted to deal with offenders very sternly. (offenders who refused to pay the bribe is what he actually meant) siLLy asked him how come the rule changed in a day's time when just a day prior, the havaldaar said something else to him. Reply was "He must not have been aware!" 'How silly!' thought our siLLy. Looking at a very disgruntled siLLy, the constable got all philosophical and said to him, " Why try to swim against the tide, you won't be able to do it for long." Not just stopping at that, he even dropped a bomb - "Your license also might be cancelled as the authorities have become very serious." (Ideal situation for an overtly Idealistic man. I say he deserved it)

Now with some serious tension he decided to visit the head office after seven days as he was told to. He went all the way to Worli. ( He stays in Thane and works near Goregaon) He couldn't find a place to park. The situation that he was in and the place that he was visiting he could hardly afford another offence. After a lot of struggle he found a place and entered the intimidating premises. He tried to enquire about the place where they collected fine. Nearly 99% of the people present there were policemen but none could answer his query. He finally found an 'Inquiry' counter which was closed. Next to it, at the entrance of the multi-storeyed building was desk which looked like some down graded version of a reception of an official building. But above the desk read a sign board in Marathi ' No Inquires' (normally there would be a word 'please' in the sign but What the hell ? Its Police Head Office) Having no other option he gathered some courage and asked the two Policemen sitting there about paying the fine. Of the two policemen, one just kept on nodding his head. (siLLy still doesn't know whether this guy did not understand the question or didn't know the answer). The other one was helpful but didn't know anything. He gave siLLy the SNB look. (who wouldn't?) And he scared the hell out of siLLy by reiterating the fact that his license could be suspended. To add to the woes he even informed that at that very moment a meeting was being held in the above chambers to discuss even more stringent measures against offences like drunk driving and using the mobile phone while driving. Finally, he found someone who could tell him What to do! After giving him the SNB look, (siLLy was getting used to it) that aged man told him that, the licences for these serious offences do not ever come to the Head Office but they are taken to the local sessions court. In siLLy's case Mulund court! He was told all he has to do is pay fine to the clerk in the court and get his license back. He was quite scared by now and inquired many times if it meant filling of the case. He was very strongly assured No! (All this for what?)

siLLy went to the court, by now very scared and anticipating that its not going to be as simple as he'd thought. (he had spoken to me by then and all I wanted to do was to slap him) He reached the court at 8:00 am. There was no one there that early other than the struggling lawyers, the chaiwala and some people who looked like they were hardened criminals. (siLLy later described them as the look alikes of the sidekicks of the 70s villains) Whoever he asked about finding the concerned person, first wanted to know siLLy's story, (slowly it was getting lengthier just like the post), then threw him a SNB look (it had become a ritual by now) and then informed siLLy that he did not know anything. The concerned person turned up 2 hours later, 45 minutes late than he was suppose to report. He asked siLLy to join him in his office. The office was as large as what a toilet cubicle is (no iota of exaggeration) Right next to his desk was the lock up where the petty criminals were holed up before the court proceedings. The place was stinking much worse than a public toilet. The clerk said he will try to help him but it would be  very difficult on such serious offences. (Your difficulty is my opportunity is what the clerk seemed to have lived by) He made siLLy wait for another half and hour till he dealt with the rickshaw drivers and other minor offenders. To siLLy's surprise (only his) the drivers were handing over 20 or 30 rupees and getting their license back without any receipt. ('chai paani' as we 'popularly' know it) Waiting there anxiously, he quitely hoped that some other someone would turn up for a similar offence as his but, none appeared whatsoever. After getting to know siLLy's offence the clerk replied in sentences like - "Thoda thambava langnaar! offence motha aahe! mee tari kaay karu? mee kaay Mukhya-Mantri (Chief Minister) aahe?" After such quite irrelevant responses the clerk finally said something that mattered to siLLy. (by now the clerk had realised what kind of a fool he was dealing with) The clerk asked him to come the next day and he would present him in front of the Judge in the court where siLLy would have to plead guilty to the offence, then on the discretion of the judge he would have to pay the fine or his license would be suspended or any punishment that the judge found appropriate! If anyone, absolutely anyone who has read this post up till here kindly try to recollect (I know it seems like a past life) that all this for an offence which he actually did not commit. But siLLy (moron/idiot) really did not have any other option. He enquired lastly if in a worst case scenario, would he be jailed? And hence is it advisable to have a lawyer? To this the 'helpful' clerk replied - " May be or may be not. How would I be able to answer that? If I could, wouldn't I be a Judge myself?" Answering the simplest of queries in the most ambiguous way is a trademark of a government employee. Now with a reasonable amount of worry, siLLy left the court premises.

siLLy had still not told anyone other than me about this. (I don't want to know such 'secrets') And had decided that he would Not take a lawyer but had asked me to be constantly in touch with him the next day and if the need  be,  call for the lawyer. Friends are someone whom we choose, so they are special, is what the usually claim is. But, whoever said choices cannot be wrong. In this case mine is and so I was paying the price for it. (Another example is you who is paying the price by having to read this) Back to the story! The next day arrived! siLLy reached sharp at 9:00 am as he was asked to. He constantly kept on glancing towards the lock up wondering if he would land up there. If not that, probably his license would be suspended. 'Driving is Privilege. Not a Right' - this statement written at the back of the license (book type) started to haunt him. After a long hour of wait, full of tense moments, came the clerk. After much persuasion he started the procedure. siLLy, walking along with the clerk in the aisle felt like a bakra that is being dragged towards the butcher. As he reached the entrance of the courtroom he was asked by the constable there to switch off his mobile phone.(saari musibat ki jad) As he entered the courtroom, he saw, the criminals were kept at the opposite end of the Judge. It was not similar to what they showed in Hindi films, siLLy later told me. He was slightly relieved when he was not asked to sit with those criminals, who looked like they were having a gala time. He then was instructed by the clerk as to how to behave in front of the Judge. How to bow and related mannerisms. (siLLy was aware 'contempt of court' was the last thing he could afford now.) So he listened intently. Finally, the typist, sitting below the judge took siLLy's papers from the clerk and with the nod of a head enquired who the offender was. When he got to know the offender was siLLy, he threw a SNB look . Then he called out siLLy's name loudly just like they do in Films -"siLLy hazeer ho!" As tutored, siLLY bowed in front of the Judge and stood their politely. siLLy tells me at that very moment he realised how serious everything had become and he said he was very scared. Standing in front of a Judge for an offence was hurting his middle class values. But the Judge glanced at him. Scolded him, more in an advising manner than actually authoritative. He then asked the clerk to collect a fine of Rs. 500 (100 rupees discount) from him. And out came siLLy of the courtroom relieved. But, final twist to the tale is pending (I know its going on and on) The clerk was adamant on taking the credit for everything. He took the money from siLLy, gave him back the license but was very reluctant to give the receipt. Having done all that he had, siLLy wasn't going to let this happen. (A normal person would just run away from that place but our hero is a retard) He was too happy to get his license back and now with that back in his pocket he demanded the receipt. The clerk kept on dilly-dyling. During this time two of the clerk's colleagues who probably had come for their share, threw a look far more disgusting than the SNB towards siLLy. (It hardly affected him now. He was more than used to it.) Finally, the clerk handed over the receipt with an extremely heavy heart.

Ya End off the story! Finally! But the Moral of the story is still remaining. (yes you are subjected to that torture too) When I asked him has he finally learnt his lesson and hopefully he wouldn't be so stupid again. (I meant he should like all normal if not smart people just get it over with at the initial stage. The system is as such! Lets face it paying bribe is easier and convenient.) And siLLy answered my question by saying that he had learnt his lesson! He is never ever going to even touch the phone when he is in the car. According to the MORON that is the mistake that caused him the trouble and not hi wannabe 'Harishchandra' attitude. By then I realised my head was throbbing. (it tends to happen when we try to bang our head against the wall) I hope now atleast you will agree that his pet name is justified. (after reading such a long post one might agree to anything)

I apologise for such a, such a long post. I have beaten my own record. But blame it on my friend - siLLy. He is to be blamed for this. Please do write in your comments and let me know if you agree with me that actually even the Judge might have given siLLy a SNB look. Till then take care and spread the cheer ! . . . . . nP.

THE LEGACY OF NATHURAM GODSE . . .

30 th January, this year fell on a Saturday. Many of us were ruing the fact that, had it been on a Friday or say on a Monday, we would have had a longer weekend. The National holiday is to commemorate the death of M.K. Gandhi. (Unbelievable as it may sound but quite a number of Indian citizens are unaware of it) He was assassinated by Nathuram Godse for his hatred towards the ideology of Gandhi. I am aware that it is a tad late as few days have passed since his 62nd death anniversary but I wanted to escape the 'date specific media circus' full of b/w photos, bhajans and few old clippings of Gandhi.(that too only if they do not have to cover any of the so called 'big' stories)

Contrary to the title of the post, what I have to SAY is not anything about Nathuram Godse or even much about M.K. Gandhi , it is essentially about us. Even after being the typical thick skinned, ignorant, ungrateful, short sighted, selfish, shallow, moral less -Indian, I for once could not bear the extreme insult of Gandhi by the BJP National President Nitin Gadkari. According to the RSS man, Gandhi and Modi are alike. (If Modi is Gandhi then I am King Alexander) I don't think even Lord Rama himself can explain such a ridiculous , preposterous remark! The levels that these politicians can stoop to for chamchagiri is beyond my comprehension. But, why did we not react and condemn the remark strongly. We protest a neighbouring country's few players not playing in a domestic money making cricket tamasha, but not when Gandhi is insulted. The only explanation to this is even we have stooped extremely low.

We just Love to hate the man. As if it makes us far more intellectual or as if its in vogue. We have very successfully destroyed nearly everything that Gandhi ever stood for.(and if the destruction is not complete, we are making sure its is) We have no respect, affection or gratitude towards his contribution or any sense of responsibility towards his vision for India. Or else how would we explain the apathy with which we treat him and his ideology. The greatest insult that we could have inflicted upon him is by printing his image on the currency. Every form of direct or indirect injustice (social, political, economical, judicial) takes place in pursuit of such rectangular papers with an image of a toothless, helpless old man smiling. Every Government institution has large laminated photographs of Gandhi which are visible to the visitors and not to the people occupying the powerful positions.Literally in a very sad way they have turned their backs upon him. Gandhi spun his own cloth and advised people to wear only khadi. Nearly all our netas wear only spotless khadi(can't say the same about their character though) designed by international designers and have made sure that either the cotton farmer gives up cotton farming or his life. Gandhi stressed on the fact that India lives in its villages and when agriculture prospers we will make true inclusive progress. Our farmer suicides beat our agricultural growth by a huge margin. He invented 'satyagraha', we have turned it into nothing but a blackmailing tool. Even during the British Raj, he emphasised on the virtue and importance of non-violence. He said by trying to achieve freedom through violent means we won't be able to conceptualize a society devoid of fear. Many of us did not agree to this policy of his. So by the same logic shall we accept Naxalism? Why do we want them to give up arms if we did not believe in Ahinsa. It truly is saddening that he has been to reduced to a sad, spineless, caricature in our Cinema too. Only Sir Ben Kingsley did justice to him. (Ironic, Britishers made a better film on him than us) Its depressing that an actor accused in TADA, convicted in possession of arms and known for his linkages with underworld milked 'Gandhigiri' as much as he could to better his image if not his associations. But, why single him out? We have always tried to make the optimum use of the fact that Gandhi was born in India. We have 'used' him to sell everything from policies to cement to lies, everything. Here is an illustration, he said pen is mightier than the sword. So a luxury pen making company made a pen in his name(Bring me a better brand ambassador-that too for free) costing a mere, Rs. 1.1 million (approximately as much as an average Indian labourer might make over the 40 years of his life) It was endorsed by his great grandson. It must be very disheartening for true Gandhians that the the people supposedly to have carried on the Gandhi legacy have not only failed in protecting and nurturing it but have instead majorly contributed in destroying it. Its not only his family members or his party(it would have been interesting to see if he would have stayed with the same party) but actually we all Indians who have let him down in a big way! He was the Father of the Nation, so we all belonged to him and equally share the onus.
Many would argue that is Gandhi relevant today? I do not know about anyone else, but its my firm belief that Gandhiji was never more relevant than Today ! We are lost and we needed someone to guide us to stand up against injustice and stand up as India. We needed to have kept Bapu alive in our hearts, values, thoughts and most importantly in our deeds. But we have murdered his soul. A murder far more brutal than the one committed by Nathuram Godse. We have blood on our hands and very sadly we carry forward not the Legacy of Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi but, of Nathuram Godse...

Not until any specific time but lets try and be a Gandhian for life . . . .nP

AMAN KI ASHA ya PROFIT KI ABHILASHA ? ? ?

My disappearance should be attributed to the clinical depression that I was into due to lack of interest by the readers(actually reader - only I read it). But, nothing absolutely no amount of dissuasion can stop me from blogging(bugging). So I continue...
The title of the post must have given a fair idea about what I have to SAY this time! But let me make something extremely clear at the outset about my outlook. I am downright negative, unnecessarily judgemental, and very cynical.
For those who have escaped the heavy duty promotion from Times Group, Aman Ki Asha is a peace project in collaboration with the Jang Group of Pakistan aimed at improving our relationship with Pakistan. It is such a noble exercise ! Then what is it that I am whining about...

Being India's largest media house, the reach of Times Group cannot be questioned. So can't the manipulation that must be going into the 'Business' of their 'public service' campaigns! Is it a big allegation that I am making? Maybe, but making irresponsible allegations should not be confined to the media alone. Someone needs to question them too.

Lets come back to Aman Ki Asha. What a beautiful campaign, executed masterfully. Gulzar's poetry, Amitabh Bachchan's baritone, a Senior Citizen of Pakistan requesting a Hindi film song across the border! Who's heart won't melt? I am all for India-Pakistan friendship but after following the campaign closely I wondered what happened all of a sudden to the group which was saying snap all ties with Pakistan. Times Now Editor in Chief (the news Channel belonging to the Times Group) was raking in highest TRPs for his 9p.m. show for his Right Wing views after 26/11. Times of India went on an offensive when the Government of India had shown some interest in backdoor diplomacy during July last year. Their Editorials were full of how our UPA government is bowing down to 'International'(read American) pressure. Front page of TOI carried a story saying the evil Taliban is some 300 km away from Indian Capital and will strike anytime the Pakistan Army wants it to. And many more of such articles, columns, reports full of Pakistan bashing right after 26/11 till early November last year. (appeasing readers is part of the profession) So as a follower of the media group I was taken aback when I read about this campaign. Why are they taking such a simplistic view of such a complex issue? Like everybody else even my first reaction was that its a noble exercise. But it left me wondering why such sudden change of heart.

And then came the eye opener. Times Music(a heavy loss making subsidiary of Bennett & Coleman & Co. Ltd. -the owners of the Times group) is out with the album 'aman ki asha' priced at Rs. 300.(normal Hindi Audio Album is priced at around Rs.150) There is more. Nobody bleeds like the Indian Film and Music Industry(reason : piracy) due to the tension between the two arch rivals. With the Times Group having high stakes in both these industries, pushing for relaxation of the ban on Hindi Films across the border makes economic sense and would be smoother with renewed public perception. Full page print ads in multi-lingual sister publications of Times of India, Visual ads on various channels during prime time, outdoor ads across the Indian cities , so much of moolah won't be spent just for so called public service campaign by the largest media house in the country. Its not even a stray incident, so as to give the Times Group the benefit of the doubt. They start such campaigns and don't follow them up. Lead India, India Poised, Teach India are such examples. All the other three campaigns had the biggest Hindi film stars viz. Amitabh Bachchan, Aamir Khan, Shahrukh Khan etc. (that too for free). Everyone is aware that friendship with Pakistan is something close to Gulzarsaheb. So manipulating the public perception with such great stalwarts and popular icons is relatively easier.

Along with some quick profits, scoring brownie points and earning a reputation of socially responsible media house without doing anything constructive is really a great strategy!
But, with the wounds of 26/11 still fresh, Times Group in my opinion has gone a little too far in their quest for taking the high moral ground. I will end the post with an idiotic poem for an idiotic campaign,

No Aman , Not even Aman ki Asha,
Its Only about balance sheets and Profits ki abhilasha,
so all we do is an unnecessary Tamasha...

But, I have to admit, the ads are nice, the dove is innovative, the music is lovely, Gulzarsaheb's poetry is ethereal. My only problem is its usage to manipulate our emotions... Till then be happy and if you can spread the cheer . . . . .

Conning The Conscience . . .

Hello! First and foremost apologizes for disappearing. I have been terribly busy doing absolutely nothing. Lazing around is quite a daunting task and takes a heavy toll on one's mind. But here I am back to bug you! And I might as well add that I really appreciate the lovely response that I have got. (people consume anything these days and even go on to praise it)

Quite a few of us do come across many 'self-improvement' articles in various publications especially womens magazines (the only thing that I read) or tabloids. Especially, the ones which make us feel happy about ourselves. No, not the ones which truly make us realize the significance of the things that should be important to us or things that we generally do. Instead, the ones which make us feel happy about anything and everything that we are doing. The articles that I am pointing out are generally titled like "Don't Be Guilty" , " Its Not Worth It" , " Honesty Isn't Always the Best Policy" etc.( can you believe it? womans magazine are proving to be my research material ) Their topics range from infidelity to ignoring family members etc. What I find most amusing is the explanation that they provide and their assurances how it will work for the reader. I'll try listing a few; 'An extra marital affair can enhance your self esteem' ; ' Harmless flirting makes you aware how attractive you are' ; ' Confessing your past can actually ruin your relationship' ; and the last one takes the cake 'Cheating on your partner can actually improve your relationship quotient'. Amazing, isn't it? I mean what kind of ridiculous self development advice is this? If a person is guilty about any of the above stated scenarios and wants to make amends and feel at peace by any possible way, you are telling him that there's absolutely nothing to feel guilty about! I am not getting into whether the person in the above situation is right or wrong or the morals of it, all I am trying to SAY is that by believing the articles, we are subsiding the voice of our conscience(remember Sonia Gandhi's inner voice-something less calculative than that) . Anyway, it is quite silent on most issues throughout our life. If at all it raises its ugly head while paying a bribe or being a mute spectator to everyday injustice, our defense mechanism overpowers it - "How am I alone going to make any difference?" We cheat on our inner voice enough anyway! How about not buying these fake article theories (for buying womens magazines try raddiwala- great deals) And for once not 'CON'ning the CONSCIENCE?

So go ahead, and have as many affairs as you want! (as if you wanted my permission or advice)
Its my first attempt to reduce the size of the post. Send in your comments, till then be happy(after having multiple affairs, who wouldn't be?) and spread the cheer . . . . .np

Predictions. . .2 0 1 0

Yup that's right! I am posting some of the predictions for the year 2010! Before you jump to conclusions, let me clarify that its not an astrological prediction of any kind! I'll leave that to Mr. Lifeless Alcoholic (loose translation from Hindi of a famous astrologer). He's actually quite an adorable old fella and a very interesting persona! I mean , he's a Parsi , follows Hindu astrology, constantly chants Ganesha, speaks Gujarati, predicts in English newspaper and wear clothes as if he's in Bali or Bahamas and borrows jewellery from Dolly Thakore I think! Anyway I think I have done my bit of drifting from the topic for this post, I'll try to focus again...

My predictions are far different from those of the respected, learned Astrologer! Yes, even I am going predict how stars are going to behave in a specific situation and how it will affect us but not the stars in the sky but those who are amongst us on this planet(Taare Zameen Par). Essentially it means what I think Famous people are going to do throughout the year! To really enjoy the post one has to have a basic awareness (at least know who are the people mentioned) Check it Out! (Names are tweaked sightly so that some jobless fool doesn't sue me over this!)


Raj Thackersay : Its his vacation year (no elections in Maharashtra other than NMMC) , so he will relax and strategise. Every now and then he will blame Shivaji Sena for everything from his outdated hairstyle to escalating real estate prices which forbid him from taking over more mills in Mumbai.
Ashoka Chauhan : Will invite a religious leader to his house once again if he is able to reduce load shedding in Maharashtra(it will be a miracle so miracle men have to be thanked). For some individual 'load shedding' might even consider a Family membership at a Gym (weight-loss)
Aamna(Shivaji Sena Mouthpiece) : Will accuse Lata Mangeshkar for singing Hindi songs as that has hurt the 'sentiments' of the people of Maharashtra. But will continue supporting 'Aditya Thackersay'(convent educated) who has released an audio album consisting of his Hindi poems.
Karunavidhi : Will change his brand of glares and switch to Ray-Ban. He will also learn Hindi. Might consider showing some 'karuna' (sympathy) towards UPA & stop blackmailing them over everything!
Aalu Prasad Jadhav : After being able to do nothing for Biharis in Bihar, will still promise them security and prosperity in Maharashtra. If he becomes a Railway minister, he might reduce the fare further so as to encourage migration out of Bihar.
Shashi Suroor : Will not Tweet his resignation when he is asked to resign for every now and then desperately trying to be in news. Wonder why he wasn't tweeting when he was at the UN.
Mayadevi : Might raze Taj Mahal off claiming that Shah Jahan insulted the people she represents. Will raise a monument 'Maya Mahal' instead. And no she will neither get a plastic surgery done nor will she hire a stylist.
Narinder Moli : Now, he will make it mandatory to 'vote for BJPP' in Gujarat.
Amitab Bachpan : Will take humility(fake or not- we don't know) to Himalayan heights by claiming Rakhi Samant has better acting skills than him. There will be no respite for us from his association with Amar Singh. Mr. Bachpan will continue to be his bade 'bhaiyya'.(pun intended)
Aishwarya Bai Bachpan : Will cultivate even thicker Indo-Anglo-Irish-American accent while speaking. She intends to take the shrill of her giggle to the next level.
Charan Kohar : Will apologize to George Bush(not Obama) for showing US in bad light in his forthcoming film so that his film's release is not stalled in the US.
Shobha Le : Will continue to criticize anything and everything that has even an iota of mass appeal. Will insist on showing the world how much she knows about the Uranium being imported from Australia.(She doesn't know anything but who does? so she will get away yet again!)
Yash Aaj Films :Will launch a saas bahu serial on TV for Rani Mukherjee titled 'Laga Profits Mein Daag"
Anil Ambalani : Will file a suit against his elder brother for taking 10 grams of excess mithai which their mother had got them.
Mukesh Ambalani : Will fight the suit but not share that 10 grams with his younger brother and will again defend himself saying 'his shareholders loose a lot because of this suit.'
Chetak Bhagat : Will start writing his new book titled ' 3 IDIOTIC Mistakes of My Life' . The book will be about 'three failed script writers' and how 'worthy' they are but the big bad Bollywood(sorry Mr. Bachchan) exploits them. And yes the story will be '100%' his!
Mahesh Bhatty : Will finally get himself a Sapat Malam (anti scratching ointment) and shout only on select TV shows. Will continue to demand the legalisation of pornography.(thus enabling him to become a movie mogul in that genre)
Aamirchand Khan :For a change, he will act in a film and not just in the marketing exercise. His next marketing gimmick will be to do the laundry of the people who work at 'Dhobi Ghat'.
Sal Man Khan : With his hair fully transplanted, will not come with weird hairstyles(can't say the same about the choice of his denim colour though) and introduce a look alike of Sangeeta Bijlani.
Barack Obamama : Will CHANGE everything(as claimed) - not about the system but about himself.
Safe Kali Khan : Will not wear a bandanna at Filmfare Awards.
Kaleena Kapoor : Will write a book on how to maintain your stocks even after delivering maximum 'flop' films.
Michele Obamama : Will reduce her appearances in the press and try not to act like a President herself. Might finally realize that people don't actually think she is very graceful !(it was a perk of being the Wife of the most powerful person on earth)
'Shrill' pa Shetty : Will show off another rock on her fingers gifted by the ATM she carries around and calls him her husband. And yes she will still laugh for one whole minute even when anyone politely greets her.
Ian Chappal : When quizzed over the state of Test Cricket, he will say he doesn't think Sachin Tendulkar is number 1 batsman. When quizzed if T-20 is the future of cricket he will say Sachin Tendulkar isn't the same as he was.
Lion Woods : Will get non-disclosure agreement signed from all his next girlfriends (family blog- can't reveal all the details)
Saina Mirja : Will play at least one match between injuries. She's planning to take her accent lessons from Salman Khan & Aishwarya Rai Bachchan. Might consider not shopping at the Char-minar gali for her tees.
Rakhee Samant :Will do a reality show educating people how to speak English!
Victory Bechkham : Will be awarded a noble prize(anyone gets it these days) for remarkable achievement in food conservation.(pioneer of the size '0' phenomenon)
Furdeen Khan : Will take acting lessons from his cousin Zayed.(I need not predict further, everyone knows the result)
Mamita Bannerji : Will blame the lack of infrastructure of railways and the drought in the country and everything that she can on CPM. Will hire a translator for 'her' English.
Bishapa Basu : Might consider paying the Doctor his pending fees for the job, that has paid 'wholesome' dividends to her.
Priyanki Chopda : After having a battery of staff travelling with her for her eating needs to her masseur, she will now hire a new girl who will act instead of her in the films she signs here on!
Asif Nakli Zardari : Will be expecting a Noble Peace Prize. (can't blame him - precedents might have influenced him into thinking so)
Nikelos Sar'cosy' : The premier of the European nation will do his 'bit' to reduce global 'warming' by asking his girlfriend to take her nude pictures off the internet.
Anuragan Kaashyp : Will continue to earn money from writing scripts for mainstream commercial films and will continue to criticize them by saying they were bad stories.
Aashay Kumar : Will stop charging astronomical fees for the films he does thus enabling producer to at least dream of the film being a hit.
Katyrina Kaif : Her new year resolution will be to learn to at least tweak one facial muscle. She might come out with book full of tips for phirang models to make it big in Bollywood. The book will be titled 'Acting Dumb pays Rich Dividends'
Himes Reshamiyan : Will compose, sing, act , produce and even direct the film all by himself. Might even have to watch the film all by himself!
and finally ,
Bekam Daruwala : The great Old man of Astrology will have a magnificent year full of great health, success and accurate predictions.

'GANESHA' says I mean no disrespect towards the above mentioned celebrities. They all are tremendous achievers in their respective fields! Do not mean to hurt the feelings of any fan either, as I love them all immensely. Its just meant to be in a lighter vein so enjoy!
Thank you for bearing with the lenght of the post, till then be Happy & spread the cheer ! . . . . . np

WHAT NOT TO EXPECT . . . ?

Hello Everyone ! (this is to create an illusion that very many people read this blog) First of all a very very Happy New Year to all the readers of ' OVERHEARD ' (fine! even to the non-readers)
Now, without getting too much onto your nerves, (you see too much can result into making the reader sick of reading itself) I'd like to come to what I have to SAY!

I have always wondered about what people write on their blogs. I troubled my peanut-sized brain by trying to think what will I blog about. I thought and I thought and I thought...As usual there were no answers! (I cannot think about constructive things - neurological flaw) Don't be too happy that this is going to be a small blog , now that I have not come up with any answers! I may not know what I am going to blog about but I have discovered " WHAT I WON'T BE BLOGGING ABOUT " (that's a start)

I will try and keep the following out of ' OVERHEARD '

• ME & MYSELF : I am completely aware that those who have read my first post (unfortunate ones who were forced to read it) will vehemently disagree to this. But , I presume, reader would understand that it was my first blog so an introduction was something that was necessary. And yes, I do agree with all of you that a personal diary of one's day should be strictly personal and not a public blog. Whoever wants to know what time the blogger got up, ate, slept, etc., how they fought with their spouses, how their workout went for a toss, and again etc. I am extremely self centered and self obsessed(people who know me kindly stop nodding) but, I am ready to change and give up such an inseparable trait of mine, just so that my reader is not bored to death. (please at least out of sympathy continue reading my blog)
• MY PETS : For the first and the last time I am going to talk about my pets on this blog i.e. in this post. I know how annoying it can get to read about stories of beloved animal (generally loved only by their masters). Some of the stories could be - About how I 'bought' a dog because I loved 'it' so much.(breeding animals is a industry - think of employment it generates) How disciplined my dog is, 'it' never poo poo's in my apartment. (who cares about society garden or public roads) How my dog is from a specific breed which is so damn expensive (whoever said racism was bad amongst dogs) How my dog eats only his 'pedigree' (who cares about death of a human child every 6 seconds due to hunger) and the most important and the common one- Unconditional Love ( only on the condition of being tied, trained and fed by a human) . DISCLAIMER : Dog can be replaced by any domestic animal. (I am non-discriminating) & Apology for using the term 'it' as a pronoun for pets , I know it can be insensitive to all pet lovers but I have to be grammatically correct too. Coming back to my pets I have only few common ones - The Bengal Tiger, The Panda, The Polar Bear.
• DEPRESSIONS : After having depressed people around me for so many years (and intending to do so by blogging) , I would like to keep stories of my personal struggle and their effect on my mind to myself. The kind of pain and sufferings, hardships and sorrows the rejections and dejections, etc. (couldn't find more synonyms) that I have suffered in this life can be equated only with the Nirupa Roy's characters in 70's Hindi Films or today's bahus on Indian Television. It would have to be an epic by itself, so a free blog (which no one reads) on a website would be indeed demeaning my story.
• RECIPES: Many of you must be aware of my extremely famous but slightly secretive culinary skills. They have been devised in a very methodological and naturally scientific way. (I know my last line doesn't make any sense) My recipes have excellent balance of taste , nutrition and age old secrets which make people loose weight as they have these particular tasty, mouth watering, 'finger licking good', 'I am loving it' type dishes. WHO (World Health Organisation) has already declared Obesity as the next big epidemic, making weight loss techniques the next 'OIL' for the west. Fearing the repercussions of this, the Government of India has locked up all these precious and top secret recipes (mine) into a secret Locker of a Bank in the European country which is known for its banking (courtesy: corrupt politicians) , Tourism (courtesy: Yash Chopra's Films) , Chocolates , Cows etc. So even recipes is out. (personal requests for the same will not be entertained. Indian Intelligence Agencies are at work)
• MISCELLANEOUS : I will refrain from posting some of the things that are available all over the internet for free but go on to become major content of many a blogs like ... Forwarded emails which beg to be witty! (Our mailboxes are flooded with it) ; Posts of other bloggers who are very popular (why not just put up the link instead) ; pictures of some celebrity activity (tabloid media is on the overdrive anyway) ; links to download of popular widgets or songs or movies; etc. Now something about the way and the language I will not use. I wont make it an excercise to find the most difficult English words and pepper my blog with it so that my reader has to sit with dictionary. (and limited vocabolary isn't just the reason)
• ANYTHING FAKE : On a sightly serious note I will try and never write about issues, topics or anything that I don't feel strongly about. I will never plagiarise. I will try and not be biased and be fair. I will not try to settle personal scores through the blog. I will always be honest. I will always be thankful to whoever has read even one post of mine as it means a lot to mean and saves me from a nervous breakdown(ref: read earlier post). Doesn't it sound as if I am taking an oath as the most popular blogger of all time. (I warned you I am self indulgent)

So finally you know what to expect from 'OVERHEARD' or shall I say what not to expect. Please do comment on it. Till then be happy and spread the cheer! . . . . .np