WHAT NOT TO EXPECT . . . ?

Hello Everyone ! (this is to create an illusion that very many people read this blog) First of all a very very Happy New Year to all the readers of ' OVERHEARD ' (fine! even to the non-readers)
Now, without getting too much onto your nerves, (you see too much can result into making the reader sick of reading itself) I'd like to come to what I have to SAY!

I have always wondered about what people write on their blogs. I troubled my peanut-sized brain by trying to think what will I blog about. I thought and I thought and I thought...As usual there were no answers! (I cannot think about constructive things - neurological flaw) Don't be too happy that this is going to be a small blog , now that I have not come up with any answers! I may not know what I am going to blog about but I have discovered " WHAT I WON'T BE BLOGGING ABOUT " (that's a start)

I will try and keep the following out of ' OVERHEARD '

• ME & MYSELF : I am completely aware that those who have read my first post (unfortunate ones who were forced to read it) will vehemently disagree to this. But , I presume, reader would understand that it was my first blog so an introduction was something that was necessary. And yes, I do agree with all of you that a personal diary of one's day should be strictly personal and not a public blog. Whoever wants to know what time the blogger got up, ate, slept, etc., how they fought with their spouses, how their workout went for a toss, and again etc. I am extremely self centered and self obsessed(people who know me kindly stop nodding) but, I am ready to change and give up such an inseparable trait of mine, just so that my reader is not bored to death. (please at least out of sympathy continue reading my blog)
• MY PETS : For the first and the last time I am going to talk about my pets on this blog i.e. in this post. I know how annoying it can get to read about stories of beloved animal (generally loved only by their masters). Some of the stories could be - About how I 'bought' a dog because I loved 'it' so much.(breeding animals is a industry - think of employment it generates) How disciplined my dog is, 'it' never poo poo's in my apartment. (who cares about society garden or public roads) How my dog is from a specific breed which is so damn expensive (whoever said racism was bad amongst dogs) How my dog eats only his 'pedigree' (who cares about death of a human child every 6 seconds due to hunger) and the most important and the common one- Unconditional Love ( only on the condition of being tied, trained and fed by a human) . DISCLAIMER : Dog can be replaced by any domestic animal. (I am non-discriminating) & Apology for using the term 'it' as a pronoun for pets , I know it can be insensitive to all pet lovers but I have to be grammatically correct too. Coming back to my pets I have only few common ones - The Bengal Tiger, The Panda, The Polar Bear.
• DEPRESSIONS : After having depressed people around me for so many years (and intending to do so by blogging) , I would like to keep stories of my personal struggle and their effect on my mind to myself. The kind of pain and sufferings, hardships and sorrows the rejections and dejections, etc. (couldn't find more synonyms) that I have suffered in this life can be equated only with the Nirupa Roy's characters in 70's Hindi Films or today's bahus on Indian Television. It would have to be an epic by itself, so a free blog (which no one reads) on a website would be indeed demeaning my story.
• RECIPES: Many of you must be aware of my extremely famous but slightly secretive culinary skills. They have been devised in a very methodological and naturally scientific way. (I know my last line doesn't make any sense) My recipes have excellent balance of taste , nutrition and age old secrets which make people loose weight as they have these particular tasty, mouth watering, 'finger licking good', 'I am loving it' type dishes. WHO (World Health Organisation) has already declared Obesity as the next big epidemic, making weight loss techniques the next 'OIL' for the west. Fearing the repercussions of this, the Government of India has locked up all these precious and top secret recipes (mine) into a secret Locker of a Bank in the European country which is known for its banking (courtesy: corrupt politicians) , Tourism (courtesy: Yash Chopra's Films) , Chocolates , Cows etc. So even recipes is out. (personal requests for the same will not be entertained. Indian Intelligence Agencies are at work)
• MISCELLANEOUS : I will refrain from posting some of the things that are available all over the internet for free but go on to become major content of many a blogs like ... Forwarded emails which beg to be witty! (Our mailboxes are flooded with it) ; Posts of other bloggers who are very popular (why not just put up the link instead) ; pictures of some celebrity activity (tabloid media is on the overdrive anyway) ; links to download of popular widgets or songs or movies; etc. Now something about the way and the language I will not use. I wont make it an excercise to find the most difficult English words and pepper my blog with it so that my reader has to sit with dictionary. (and limited vocabolary isn't just the reason)
• ANYTHING FAKE : On a sightly serious note I will try and never write about issues, topics or anything that I don't feel strongly about. I will never plagiarise. I will try and not be biased and be fair. I will not try to settle personal scores through the blog. I will always be honest. I will always be thankful to whoever has read even one post of mine as it means a lot to mean and saves me from a nervous breakdown(ref: read earlier post). Doesn't it sound as if I am taking an oath as the most popular blogger of all time. (I warned you I am self indulgent)

So finally you know what to expect from 'OVERHEARD' or shall I say what not to expect. Please do comment on it. Till then be happy and spread the cheer! . . . . .np