TWEAKING THINKERS . . . !

" New Age Fallacy - When You Cannot Do Anything Good, Claim Whatever You Do Is The Best !" . . . . . np

Predictions. . .2 0 1 0

Yup that's right! I am posting some of the predictions for the year 2010! Before you jump to conclusions, let me clarify that its not an astrological prediction of any kind! I'll leave that to Mr. Lifeless Alcoholic (loose translation from Hindi of a famous astrologer). He's actually quite an adorable old fella and a very interesting persona! I mean , he's a Parsi , follows Hindu astrology, constantly chants Ganesha, speaks Gujarati, predicts in English newspaper and wear clothes as if he's in Bali or Bahamas and borrows jewellery from Dolly Thakore I think! Anyway I think I have done my bit of drifting from the topic for this post, I'll try to focus again...

My predictions are far different from those of the respected, learned Astrologer! Yes, even I am going predict how stars are going to behave in a specific situation and how it will affect us but not the stars in the sky but those who are amongst us on this planet(Taare Zameen Par). Essentially it means what I think Famous people are going to do throughout the year! To really enjoy the post one has to have a basic awareness (at least know who are the people mentioned) Check it Out! (Names are tweaked sightly so that some jobless fool doesn't sue me over this!)


Raj Thackersay : Its his vacation year (no elections in Maharashtra other than NMMC) , so he will relax and strategise. Every now and then he will blame Shivaji Sena for everything from his outdated hairstyle to escalating real estate prices which forbid him from taking over more mills in Mumbai.
Ashoka Chauhan : Will invite a religious leader to his house once again if he is able to reduce load shedding in Maharashtra(it will be a miracle so miracle men have to be thanked). For some individual 'load shedding' might even consider a Family membership at a Gym (weight-loss)
Aamna(Shivaji Sena Mouthpiece) : Will accuse Lata Mangeshkar for singing Hindi songs as that has hurt the 'sentiments' of the people of Maharashtra. But will continue supporting 'Aditya Thackersay'(convent educated) who has released an audio album consisting of his Hindi poems.
Karunavidhi : Will change his brand of glares and switch to Ray-Ban. He will also learn Hindi. Might consider showing some 'karuna' (sympathy) towards UPA & stop blackmailing them over everything!
Aalu Prasad Jadhav : After being able to do nothing for Biharis in Bihar, will still promise them security and prosperity in Maharashtra. If he becomes a Railway minister, he might reduce the fare further so as to encourage migration out of Bihar.
Shashi Suroor : Will not Tweet his resignation when he is asked to resign for every now and then desperately trying to be in news. Wonder why he wasn't tweeting when he was at the UN.
Mayadevi : Might raze Taj Mahal off claimingBold that Shah Jahan insulted the people she represents. Will raise a monument 'Maya Mahal' instead. And no she will neither get a plastic surgery done nor will she hire a stylist.
Narinder Moli : Now, he will make it mandatory to 'vote for BJPP' in Gujarat.
Amitab Bachpan : Will take humility(fake or not- we don't know) to Himalayan heights by claiming Rakhi Samant has better acting skills than him. There will be no respite for us from his association with Amar Singh. Mr. Bachpan will continue to be his bade 'bhaiyya'.(pun intended)
Aishwarya Bai Bachpan : Will cultivate even thicker Indo-Anglo-Irish-American accent while speaking. She intends to take the shrill of her giggle to the next level.
Charan Kohar : Will apologize to George Bush(not Obama) for showing US in bad light in his forthcoming film so that his film's release is not stalled in the US.
Shobha Le : Will continue to criticize anything and everything that has even an iota of mass appeal. Will insist on showing the world how much she knows about the Uranium being imported from Australia.(She doesn't know anything but who does? so she will get away yet again!)
Yash Aaj Films :Will launch a saas bahu serial on TV for Rani Mukherjee titled 'Laga Profits Mein Daag"
Anil Ambalani : Will file a suit against his elder brother for taking 10 grams of excess mithai which their mother had got them.
Mukesh Ambalani : Will fight the suit but not share that 10 grams with his younger brother and will again defend himself saying 'his shareholders loose a lot because of this suit.'
Chetak Bhagat : Will start writing his new book titled ' 3 IDIOTIC Mistakes of My Life' . The book will be about 'three failed script writers' and how 'worthy' they are but the big bad Bollywood(sorry Mr. Bachchan) exploits them. And yes the story will be '100%' his!
Mahesh Bhatty : Will finally get himself a Sapat Malam (anti scratching ointment) and shout only on select TV shows. Will continue to demand the legalisation of pornography.(thus enabling him to become a movie mogul in that genre)
Aamirchand Khan :For a change, he will act in a film and not just in the marketing exercise. His next marketing gimmick will be to do the laundry of the people who work at 'Dhobi Ghat'.
Sal Man Khan : With his hair fully transplanted, will not come with weird hairstyles(can't say the same about the choice of his denim colour though) and introduce a look alike of Sangeeta Bijlani.
Barack Obamama : Will CHANGE everything(as claimed) - not about the system but about himself.
Safe Kali Khan : Will not wear a bandanna at Filmfare Awards.
Kaleena Kapoor : Will write a book on how to maintain your stocks even after delivering maximum 'flop' films.
Michele Obamama : Will reduce her appearances in the press and try not to act like a President herself. Might finally realize that people don't actually think she is very graceful !(it was a perk of being the Wife of the most powerful person on earth)
'Shrill' pa Shetty : Will show off another rock on her fingers gifted by the ATM she carries around and calls him her husband. And yes she will still laugh for one whole minute even when anyone politely greets her.
Ian Chappal : When quizzed over the state of Test Cricket, he will say he doesn't think Sachin Tendulkar is number 1 batsman. When quizzed if T-20 is the future of cricket he will say Sachin Tendulkar isn't the same as he was.
Lion Woods : Will get non-disclosure agreement signed from all his next girlfriends (family blog- can't reveal all the details)
Saina Mirja : Will play at least one match between injuries. She's planning to take her accent lessons from Salman Khan & Aishwarya Rai Bachchan. Might consider not shopping at the Char-minar gali for her tees.
Rakhee Samant :Will do a reality show educating people how to speak English!
Victory Bechkham : Will be awarded a noble prize(anyone gets it these days) for remarkable achievement in food conservation.(pioneer of the size '0' phenomenon)
Furdeen Khan : Will take acting lessons from his cousin Zayed.(I need not predict further, everyone knows the result)
Mamita Bannerji : Will blame the lack of infrastructure of railways and the drought in the country and everything that she can on CPM. Will hire a translator for 'her' English.
Bishapa Basu : Might consider paying the Doctor his pending fees for the job, that has paid 'wholesome' dividends to her.
Priyanki Chopda : After having a battery of staff travelling with her for her eating needs to her masseur, she will now hire a new girl who will act instead of her in the films she signs here on!
Asif Nakli Zardari : Will be expecting a Noble Peace Prize. (can't blame him - precedents might have influenced him into thinking so)
Nikelos Sar'cosy' : The premier of the European nation will do his 'bit' to reduce global 'warming' by asking his girlfriend to take her nude pictures off the internet.
Anuragan Kaashyp : Will continue to earn money from writing scripts for mainstream commercial films and will continue to criticize them by saying they were bad stories.
Aashay Kumar : Will stop charging astronomical fees for the films he does thus enabling producer to at least dream of the film being a hit.
Katyrina Kaif : Her new year resolution will be to learn to at least tweak one facial muscle. She might come out with book full of tips for phirang models to make it big in Bollywood. The book will be titled 'Acting Dumb pays Rich Dividends'
Himes Reshamiyan : Will compose, sing, act , produce and even direct the film all by himself. Might even have to watch the film all by himself!
and finally ,
Bekam Daruwala : The great Old man of Astrology will have a magnificent year full of great health, success and accurate predictions.

'GANESHA' says I mean no disrespect towards the above mentioned celebrities. They all are tremendous achievers in their respective fields! Do not mean to hurt the feelings of any fan either, as I love them all immensely. Its just meant to be in a lighter vein so enjoy!
Thank you for bearing with the lenght of the post, till then be Happy & spread the cheer ! . . . . . np

3 comments:

Mugdha p said...

that was real coool!!!!!!!!! luvd d himes part n d priyanki 1.

Shuchita said...

That was a funny one !
I would love to hear ur predictions for mr Nikhail Poke kar :)

Priyanka said...

koool yaar....
Quite an imagination haan...hehehe...luvd it..;-)